Shadowy Flower
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phineas and ferb really said “how many characters can we make autistic” and the answer was “yes”
(via linkislovelys)
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“Check out these blogs” and one of them is “beemovieerotica”
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No. No, I don’t think I will, thanks.
(via shedramoontauren)
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god, I love this concept. don’t bother with breast forms, just fucking wear an optical illusion. will everyone know what you’re doing? yes, obviously, but they won’t be able to look at your great boobs for longer than two seconds without feeling dizzy, so who cares?
(via navigatorsnorth)
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i was thinking about the weirdest phone calls i got when i still worked at the public library and i remembered this one phone call. it was probably less than 20 seconds long, but it still makes me laugh.
anyways, this woman called and without even saying hello after i said the usual “public library, how can i help you?” spiel, she said, “i have a very important question: when you shelve books, do you push them all to the front of the shelf or all the way back?”
it took me a second to process the question and then i answered that, at the library, we always shelve them so that they are even with the front edge so they’re easier to grab and see. she was obviously delighted by this answer and then, as if an afterthought, she asked, “okay, what about you? what do you do at home with your books?” i said i did the same thing. she hummed in obvious agreement and then just like that she said “thank you!” and hung up.
i never heard from her again. i hope she won whatever argument she was having.
for about a year, i worked at a call center for sprint. i have a similar kind of story.
a woman called, and said she had a question about the call history on her bill. “sure, let me just pull up your account-” and she cut me off going, “no, no, it’s not anything specific, it’s just. so, if you change the time on your phone, does that change the time on the bill?”
“uh… no? the time on the phone doesn’t matter, the call history is recorded by the towers.”
“ohhhh” she said in the saltiest voice i have ever heard “so even if you changed the timezone it wouldn’t change the time on the bill? to, say, the middle of the night?”
i stg yall i looked into the camera like i was on the office. “um… no? it would still be the local time of the tower. is there anything else i can help you with?”
to me, overly chipper: “nope! thank you! have a great day!” turning on someone as she hung up: “she says yoU’RE A LYING SACK OF-”
i still mean-snicker every time i think about it.i used to work in a call center for a roadside assistance company, from late 2015 to early 2016. it was easily the most miserable job i’ve ever had, and the turnover rate was very high. people stuck on the side of the road tend to be quick to anger - understandably so - and it wears on you after awhile.
so i had been having a string of very time-consuming, draining calls. my line rings again, i steel myself for another angry caller, and i pick up. “[redacted] roadside assistance, how can i help you?” i chirp, in my Customer Service Voice.
“yeah, hi,” a gentleman with a thick southern accent responds. “my motorcycle won’t start.”
i brace immediately for another long call. motorcycles were notoriously difficult to work with - a lot of insurance companies wouldn’t insure them, and a lot of tow companies refused to pick them up because they require a specific sort of trailer.
“i’m sorry to hear that, sir. what’s your current location?”
“oh, i’m just at my house. i was wondering if it would be okay for me to just load it into my trailer and take it to my buddy’s shop. would that interfere with my insurance?”
i click through his account and am Relieved to discover he’s in the clear. “No sir, it looks like you’re good to go. Can I help you with anything else?”
A pause. “Have you heard the good news?”
My Anxiety, which had been receding, suddenly spikes into the fucking stratosphere. I live in the rural south. The “good news” usually means “Jesus” and i was in no mood to be proselytized to for god knows how long.
i steel myself for the Religious Talk. “What news, sir?”
“McDonald’s is now serving breakfast all day!”
I laughed so hard I almost cried. I hope that guy ate as many hashbrowns as he could.
(via navigatorsnorth)
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it should be illegal to tow a car as punishment and i’m not even kidding
you park in the wrong spot somewhere. maybe at a friend’s apartment complex, or at a store when you’re actually walking somewhere else, or whatever. they could ticket you—still charge you a fine for parking where you’re not supposed to. but instead, in a far more crippling way than a fine (which is already hard enough for low income people), they call a third party and steal your car. so you have lost your means of transportation, which you will only learn the next time you need your car, because they don’t have any need or care to notify you.
so first, you have to figure out which towing company they used. which you can only do if the place that decided your car was in the wrong spot is still open, or if you can get someone on the phone.
assuming you figure out which company towed your car, which one time took me over an hour on its own because the number on the signs warning about towing in the parking lot was a dead number, you then have to figure out how to get there. without a car. god help you if you don’t have someone in your support network to pick you up or public transportation, because most of the time it’s at least a mile away.
you find a way to get there, you call them to see if your car is even really there, and they tell you they won’t give your car back until you pay them. how much? well, it’s not regulated, so they can pretty much say whatever number they goddamn feel like. i recently got towed by a company infamous in my college town and they charged me a whopping $180–half of my paycheck for two weeks during the school year. when the same company towed my brother last year, and we both have the same sized cars, they charged him $300. they don’t have to justify the charge, they don’t have any itemized receipt, because what are you going to do? not pay it? you have to get to work and you’re already short on time because you had to walk to the goddamn towing place or have someone come get you to bring you there or spend an hour on the phone with different people trying to figure out where the fuck your car was in the first place.
it’s extortionate. it’s absolutely insane that they can, without exaggeration, steal someone’s car and hold it for ransom under the assumption that you will pay anything to get it back, because of the extent to which our society is dependent on cars.
(via selfdeprekadin)
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butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway:
loudly going “YOU’RE GOOD YOU’RE GOOD” to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i’ve ever done
Fun fact from a therapist who works in the field of inteusive thoughts: did you know that one of the (many) techniques we are taught to work on with people is to literally yell (in their heads or maybe even out loud if necessary) STOP at thoughts that are distressing or unpleasant and than redirect away from it?
Yall are doing good work out here.
(via sailorsun546)
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Watching the difference between the Twitter migration mentality vs. the Reddit migration mentality is fucking hilarious.
Like, when Twitter users started moving over here everyone was pulling out all the stops and bringing back old fandoms that they were into and basically firing rent lowering shots by being super cringey.
And then all of the sudden when the Reddit refugees start showing up we’re like, “ah yes, pull up a log and gather around the dumpster fire. We’ll teach you how to not get killed by people hunting down bots and carve out a little area for you guys to relax and get used to the site before we throw you into the deep end of this hellsite that we call home. Tomorrow is Let Papyrus say Fuck day so you can prepare for that if you want. You want some hot coco and a blanket?”
(via linkislovelys)
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the difference between Reddit and twitter migrants is Reddit brings memes while twitter brought 2016 tumblr discourse.
(via linkislovelys)
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